My Transplant Journey
My name is Dennis. I am a father of three “boys” (now adults), grandfather of one (so far), and husband for more than 37 years (1973) who will be eternally grateful to my family for sticking with me during my dark days. I have such a spark in me to try to return as much effort that I can to support many transplant related areas: 1) donor registration; 2) fellow recipients and people waiting for transplants; 3) donor families; 4) organizations that contribute to our community such as NKF, ALF and Donate Life. I now love to give my opinion on these topics! I’ve had a long journey thru very deep depths of cirrhosis and end-stage liver disease. I spent a lot of time in the hospital or rehab due to various complications of the disease. I destroyed my native liver with alcohol. Only after experiencing the depths of negative health incidents did I really get serious about getting an organ transplant. I switched doctors as my old ones had seen me thru my drinking years and apparently did not think I would be alive long enough to go thru the process. This is a story of my journey from my darkest days through the time of this document’s completion (and I don’t think it will ever reach completion). I wanted to capture this information for myself, to remember in the future. Some people suggest that other people like me may wish to read this information to help them out in their own journeys. If you are reading this, please remember that this is a personal story, meant for my own personal gratification. Some of this material is deeply personal. I only ask that you are respectful of the personal nature of this document. I welcome any questions or comments. One of the more recent discoveries I have experienced is an absolutely wonderful website that describes everything one every needs to know about cirrhosis. A fellow “traveler” has compiled a site with information about the disease, what its symptoms are and how it is treated. Visit Living with Cirrhosis to see what I mean. Another great site that I use to track my medical data is Patients Like Me. They also have a great forum that compliments other support groups. | Take a ride:
My Transplant Journey Page 2 2006/11/14 - Clean & Sober Birthday This is the date that I finally realized that abusing my body was no longer any fun. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize this—it should have been obvious years ago! In any case, the sickness that I had experienced so many times finally became too much and I decided I would no longer partake of anything that altered my mind or body’s “normal” operation with the exception of acetaminophen or other pain relievers but only under guidance from my medical teams. At first it was extremely difficult to live with an unfulfilled dependency. After many years of counseling and trying various means of getting straight, it turned out the only method that really works is a self-commitment to experience life as it really is and not look for any non-rational” means of escape. Somewhere in my journey I had heard about an alternative recovery program called “Rational Recovery” and later “Smart Recovery”. As it turns out, both of these programs have an extensive online web presence. I spent many hours perusing these sites and came to agree with the premise that only I am responsible for my actions and only I can make any changes to my behavior. It does me no good to try to blame anyone or anything else for what I decide to do—I’m way too smart try to hide from myself. As I write this journey almost three years later, I find myself in an entirely different mental and physical place: my mind is clear and totally in control and I am one year post liver transplant and generally very healthy. I have absolutely no desire to return to using any substances. Even though I know my body will always have a physical dependency for bad things, my mind knows that there is no need for anything to aid my enjoyment of life. I hate labels of all kinds and like to think of myself as someone who used to have problems but now knows how to avoid them. Despite my dislike of labels, I am, and will always be, an alcoholic. I won’t say that I don’t think of using now and again, but I think of it in a way like it would be nice to jump in a lake on a hot summer’s day when I’m really stuck somewhere in traffic—a passing thought that I would never act upon. To this day I have the utmost guilt and shame for all of my “missed years” and wish there was some way to pay it all back to my family and friends. I know there is no way to change the past, but I now know that it is OK to have wishes but to be careful on how one acts upon them. My daily goal is to make sure I never let anyone doubt my compassion for life ever again. |